Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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