someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
