AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
