Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
