when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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