he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Another day, another engagement, another cat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
