Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
