please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
wow bdsm is so cute
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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