I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Houston, we have a squirter
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
