Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
