I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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