i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
