i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
