I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
