She's JV to your varsity
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
