Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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