you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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