I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How's work?
Spinning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
