i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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