i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
