You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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