His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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