They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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