We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
