I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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