Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
