you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
