omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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