one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
