She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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