Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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