I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
