He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
