I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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