So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I only lived at night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
