Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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