1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
