i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
