I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
