Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
