We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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