honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
