New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Green mimosas i think yes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
