Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
