She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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