She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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