theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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