Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
