I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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