i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
